Before we begin, I just wanted to say that I'm no longer using psychedelics, never again in my life. Im taking a long break from weed, and im doing my best to try to accept this and let it go, but its persistent, as you can see from my post history, i just wanna try to get as much info as i can.
Sorry if I make any mistakes in this post, I just want some insight, and hopefully, a way to get rid of this. I'm 16, btw. My biological father had schizoaffective disorder, but didnt find this out until about, what a month ago, upon asking if i had it or not, he told me most likely not. I have no violent tendencies what so ever. I know SZ spectrum disorders dont cause those, just saying cause of later in the story.
Just clearing that up, thanks for reading :)
(Strangely enough the only acid that gave me any of this feeling was, well, either voidrealms or teachers gaze, the 2nd time it was different acid, my 1st, 3rd, and 4th trip were all from voidrealms or teachers gaze, 2nd time was with some tab that had a sun over a plain blue sky)
(I feel i should also note, now that i think about it, everything happening to me now, everything i hear, everything i do, i remember during this trip, as if it were a premonition, as if acid showed me this is the reality i'd be living in from now on, like i was leaving the one where i was "being arrested" behind)
Around April is when I first tried LSD, I went to a friends RV. And I had expected to do 200ug (still a bit much, but I had prior experience with a gram of shrooms, which was beautiful) turned out to be, what i estimate to be around 340ug. Well, long story short I had a bad trip, and i'm pretty sure i had ego death (i know, i know, but i couldn't remember where i came from, where i was, or, barely who i was) after this, my friends dad said something that sounded like "Man, someone tipped them off" which worried me, i was then stuck in this thought loop of my friend asking if i had to "be a person tomorrow", and then i blacked out, during which, I thought I could see police lights and cops enter the RV. Like I could see their badges and everything, it was the campus cop at my school actually. I even thought they were questioning me with a flashlight in my face (my friend and his girlfriend seeing if i was ok, they were also on acid, i know, bad set and setting with people who werent good tripsitters) Well, after that I woke up, wasn't arrested, and went home feeling fine, I then tried it a second time about a month later in May, this trip went by completely fine, I had lowered the dosage to 100-120ug.
3rd time trying it I had faced some difficulties, so i decided to go to a friends house so he could tripsit me, it was a single teachers gaze tab, i went over there and he gave me a dab, i was apprehensive, but he told me "fuck it", and i went with it. Well, reality shat itself, things were pixelating like crazy, like, a work light he had turned into a 2x3 pixel image, half his face was mirrored over the other half except his mouth, things in the background became black spirals, it was incredibly surreal, but i was still worried. I remembered something from the 1st trip, i remembered seeing cops show up to his house because i forgot to tell my mom i went over (didn't happen, she knew i was tripping so i was worried that she would get scared because, well, missing kid on acid, but she reassured me even if that happened she wouldnt call the cops unless it was an absolute emergency, i usually leave to hang out with this friend without telling her, so thats why she didnt worry) but my friend was able to assure me that none of that was happening. It worked, but, there was still something i couldn't shrug off, so i decided to go home so i wouldn't keep tripping out at his house, i decided to start running back, it felt incredible, i started to hear Nirvana's Breed playing in my head, i went inside, and tried to sleep it off, there was something that crossed my mind, something that, i was still recalling from the 1st trip, i had imagined, that i had killed one of my dogs out of a blackout psychotic break (didn't happen, and you'll see the importance of this in a minute) this was easy to shrug off however, and i was able to sleep, like an hour later. After this trip I had a slight feeling of Deja Vu everyday after, but was enough to shrug off.
Saturday (last Saturday, not the day after yesterday) I went to my friends house and he offered me a 40ug sliver from a tab, i didnt expect to take acid, but I said "fuck it, right? Low enough amount." After I took it we went and took some huge bong rips , i knew weed and acid was a bad combo, but it was a low enough amount that i didnt think i'd have to worry, bad mistake on my part, tbh, I wasn't feeling much, till an hour or so in. To be blunt, it felt like LSD was communicating to me through my friend as we were playing Speedrunner on the PS4, like I was playing against the LSD for my ego death, whenever id lose my friend would say something to further instill his win, which made me think that it was LSD playing against me. My other friend, who was also on LSD, but a 3/4 tab, 130ug, and weed, was describing ALMOST EXACTLY what was going on with me "Bro it feels like the weed high and the acid high are fighting each other, like I'll be feeling good and shit, and then..." As I started to trail off, I noticed he was too, it's like we were tripping the same shit, he noticed this and glanced at me, we knew we were tripping the same. Before we had taken it I asked if he ever tried acid before, to which he said no, but as we were tripping, he told me he's dealt with bad shroom trips before, and it felt so fucking relatable, it's like we were tripping the same.
As if we we're the same. (except my bad trips were acid)
Anyways, it was getting too freaky to me, but i was able to keep my cool, so I decided to go home, I wasn't able to sleep, but when I tried to, I had another blackout image, however I didn't black out, and I had imagined that my mom walked in to check on me (she didnt) and as i thought this, my laptop screen came on, as i rolled over to look, it immediately turned off, which made me think my mom just, ya know, came to check on me then turned my light off. After that, I had the image that my other dog (not the one from before) ran into my room, and, for some reason, maybe out of a psychotic break (not real), I had, killed him in a psychotic break (don't worry, didn't happen, my dog is fine, i dont know what would cause these images, i absolutely love my dogs and all animals) after this, my laptop screen came back on, and i had imagined my parents walked in and saw me with my dead dog next to me, blood on my bed, myself, it was awful, but it didn't actually happen, I could discern that, because I couldn't actually see it, it was like I was imagining it, but the laptop screen didnt turn off, i waited for it to, but it didnt, so eventually i got up to turn it off. It was so freaky, I tried sleeping but couldn't, the images started to subside, but were still lingering on. I was still anxious from this so I went on tripsit.me which helped a bit, when day broke I was still coming down off of the acid, but feeling ok. That sunday, and the next day on Monday I was having some severe Deja Vu, almost as if what I was hearing my dad say, hearing my brother say, and what was on the tv, I had heard before, or, was still hearing, but in a different reality, one I wasn't aware of, one where all that bad stuff **did** happen, its like they're talking about me out there, and its bleeding through to this reality, and now, it's starting to calm down, but it's still worrying to me as I keep questioning it. Its almost like, during my 1st trip, i never came back from that, its like my brain created a different reality. Its like i **did** go insane after that trip, and after that one, i was psychotic and had killed my dogs.
Yesterday my brother told me that his dogs back in Virginia got out and killed his ex's dogs, and it kind of felt like he was talking about me in the other reality killing my dog. This kind of freaked me out, but i was able to keep cool, reassured myself that none of that happened. But my dad, mom, and brother keep saying things that, only slightly resemble what they would be saying about something like all that happening, for instance, its like their discussing what happened, what to do, etc.
My dad had won $500 on a scratch ticket at work and he told me
"Yea man, i was scratching a ticket at work and i saw the $500, and i had to do a double take, i thought it said $%), after looking again, i was like 'HOLY SHIT, no fuckin way!' "
ya see what i mean? its like hes talking about when he "found me' with my dead dog next to me in the bad part of the trip.
I've noticed that a lot of smells and a lot of what people are saying, either on TV, YouTube, or in real life, seem eerily familiar. As if its all happening outside this reality, and bits and pieces are starting to filter through.
(sorry for repeated bits, this was a copy paste edit)
TL;DR : took acid 4 times, now I'm stuck between 3 realities, one where I'm being humiliated and arrested, one where I killed my dogs out of a psychotic break from acid, and this one, the main one, the real one
(dont worry, i am able to discern that from this reality, i know this is real, underneath this are what ifs)
What if I never woke up from the 1st, 3rd, or 4th trip? Could I be living in a fake reality? Could there be realities where I actually did those things and I'm unaware? (I know this isn't the case, I can discern that) I can also remember seeing images of being tied to a bed in a straight jacket and being put in a mental hospital forever. The colors blue and red are starting to show up more and more, not just individually, but red and blue together, which furthers my worry that the arrested parts actually happening.
Ive made sense of the trip as it seems to be a representation of my fear of failure, but why is it still persistent? It feels like im just gonna snap, and wake up back in april, in the RV, i know im not, but thats how it feels.
I just wanted to know what you guys thought of this, if you guys have answers, and what I should do, if anyone has had a similar experience, feel free to post it, sorry if I don't reply, I'm late to doing that usually, thanks again for reading, a million thanks. I just want answers.
Submitted July 03, 2018 at 12:27AM by Apollo_Lol https://ift.tt/2Nl6rvh
