Two years ago I met a guy at a computer science conference, let’s call him Jack. We found out we had mutual classes together so we started hanging out. But we quickly became more than friends.
Upon first meeting him, I thought he was a “Chad” —straight, athletic, handsome, date the captain of the cheerleading squad type. And me, a nerdy kid with no friends. I wasn’t sure why someone like him would be so interested in someone like me.
We had always cracked sexual jokes with each other but I never thought ANYTHING would come of it (I’ve only dated girls and didn’t know I could like a guy). Yet, over the course of a few months I found myself falling for this guy. Hard. No one had every treated me like this before. I often went over to his place to watch movies, hangout, study, and cuddle. He would take us on late night exertions and hold my hand while driving. Send me random “I love you” texts. Drop off food at my apartment when I was feeling under the weather. Kissed my neck while we spooned. We saw each other 4-5 times a week. Even in public places he would subconsciously place his hand on my thighs and make sure we were always close. He even got upset if I moved my seat away. Anytime he saw another guy talk with me, even another classmate, he would question me about it afterwards. This guy even asked me to move in with him (I said yes and will be moving in within a few months). My parents, thinking I had found a best friend, naturally loved him and began to ask about him a lot.
Yet there was one thing missing. We’ve never kissed or did the deed.
I even thought “Maybe I’m crazy and he has just been playing around this whole time.” So one evening I ask him, “Jack, bro do you like me? Not like friends but more. If you don’t, it’s cool. Just say so.” And he says “I do. I like you. Yes, in that way.” He says this multiple times. Even wraps me in a hug when I say I don’t believe him. So I give in and let my doubt disappear.
Fast forward two years. I’ve spent several nights in his bed (just spooning and cuddling, no hanky-pancky). I’ve met his family. But we’ve had several fights. He continues to chat with girls and hide it even though he knows it makes me upset. And now to top it all off, whenever we go out to group events or clubbing, girls ask me if he is single. Every single freaking time. Some go as far as asking for advice on how to shoot their shot with him. I guess they think I’m his “homie”. So I play it cool and tell them what they want to hear. But it kills me inside, it really does.
The other night, a mutual friend of ours pulls me to the side while we are out eating. At first I thought she might be interested in me, (she kept staring at me the whole night) but nope. First words out of her mouth are “Yo, I like Jack. Is he dating anyone right now? We’ve been flirting back and forth for the past few weeks but he’s hard to read.” Then she proceeds to show me the messages he’s sent her. Some messages so graphic, I can’t even describe them here. And my heart shattered into a million pieces.
But of course, I smile, nod, and encourage her to shoot her shot. Later that night, as I’m laying in bed next to him, I silently hold back tears.
What should I do? I’ve never felt this way about a guy. I don’t want to give up on him. Yet if he continues to mess around with other people, I don’t think I can bear to live with him.
Submitted April 08, 2019 at 02:02PM by sidepiece19 http://bit.ly/2I92Y3Q
