What amazing cast! Glenn Close, Patrick Stewart, John Malkovich, Jack Davenport, Minnie Driver and that woman from Orange is the New Black!
It's an absolute mess of a movie, though. So I really hope someone's seen it because I really would like to have some things explained to me.
***Spoilers!***
My biggest mystery is who the hell were the Mexicans that just showed up randomly half-way through the movie and didn't do much? They showed up after Patrick Stewart, who gave the dad a big hug, so I thought they were with him, but when he leaves at the end, they stick around.
Further confusion is added because each side of the wedding has a 20-something daughter bring a 20-something friend along. So we have two groups of indistinguishable 20-something girls. I believe they are Yael Stone, a blonde and a Brazilian for Team Patrick Stewart, with the Brazilian being the non-relative friend. Then for Team John Malkovich, we've got a blonde and a black woman, the black woman being the friend. So, okay....the Brazilian, the black woman and one of the blondes are in their PJs in bed together. The Brazillian gets a text, and one of the others reads it. But these women aren't all friends, are they? The Brazilian and the black lady are on different sides of the family, and I don't know which blonde it was but she could go either way. So do people really hang out in their underwear in bed with someone they just met and casually read their sexts?
Which brings me to what the fuck happened? The sext she received is from "THE BOSS" and says "Come out to the garden". John Malkovich coincidentally goes outside and some person runs off in the distance shouting, "Who's the boss now, Saffy!" (Saffy being the Brazilian's nickname.) John Malkovich sees what I assume is a her (because the voice was a female voice) and proceeds to where she was running from to discover Patrick Stewart and the Brazilian going at it. So why was the third person there? And why would they not react to her asking them who the boss is now? Whoever it was, they I guess recorded the fucking because the video ends up....
On the black womans blog!?!? What the fuck? First off, why is the black woman fucking over these people who invited her to their wedding who she just met? Second, why does everyone in the wedding party, who only just met her, subscribe to her blog? (I do think there was a scene with one of the kids or someone talking about her blog and how cool it is that she can post whatever she wants there.) Then, was the general public aware of this video? Is Patrick Stewart famous enough for anyone to care?
And seriously, did the 8-year old boy just hack her blog and delete the blog post in 6 seconds? Was that actually what happened?
Speaking of the black woman, Noah Emmerich had a crush on her or what? I don't know what was going on with him. He was on the phone the whole time talking to someone's employer who he says was on a bus and he wanted to know who they were. But if it was the black woman.....couldn't he just ask his daughter what her name is? It's her friend, isn't it? Or was he talking about someone else, and if so, who? And why did nothing come of that?
I also think there were two little boys, but maybe there was just one. He/they were apparently a computer hacker and a singer/dancer. One is named Sam. And they're either Minnie Driver's kid (separate from Jack Davenport) or Noah Emmerich's. The hacker boy seemed to be hanging out with Noah Emmerich's family a lot, but later Minnie Driver has a little boy come to her door asking where she was, and Jack Davenport puts that kid in her bed, and Minnie Driver says something about having to call "Sam's dad". So are there two boys? If so, who are their parents?
How is the cousin related? The "main character" seems to suggest they're not super close biologically because he's "once removed". I don't know what that means for sure, but I think it means the kid of a cousin, but her oldest cousin is 20-something and probably wouldn't have a 16-year old son. So who the heck is he and where did he come from?
Then there's the weird instant message scene. So the Mexican boy IMs the main character girl suggesting she hit on her cousin. So she IMs her cousin, right? They're all sitting in the same room. But her cousin is IMing someone else. Is that just a random person or someone else we know? And why the absolute fuckin' racist comment "Wanna ditch Cheech and Chong?" I mean, they just met these Mexicans. They've been nothing but decent to her, with this Mexican boy even encouraging her to make a move on her cousin, which she's doing, and she says that? And she's the narrator/"main character" who now is just a casual racist bitch? Like, what?
Speaking of her, what the hell was with the documentary framing? Why is she telling people in the documentary that she wants to fuck her cousin? And who's it for? Did she make it or what? It seems like they gave up on that gimmick almost immediately.
Also, get this, they had Minnie Driver and Jack Davenport play Americans and Yael Stone, who's apparently Australian, play a British person. What's happening? Was the casting of this movie just some sort of strange dare?
As an aside, I think they really missed an opportunity to have solved the incest problem by making the cousin gay and having that be revealed to the narrator girl by her noticing him and the Mexican boy flirting with each other. It would have given the cousin some characterization as well as given at least one of the Mexicans a reason to be in the movie. But yeah, "In our family, love is weird, so I'm going to fuck my cousin" is fine too I guess.
Submitted August 17, 2019 at 09:15AM by NewClayburn https://ift.tt/2TFwXDj