So I just finished my freshman year of college. My first semester I dated a girl that I went to high school with (about an hour and a half away) before she broke it off with me when I came back for Christmas because we were going down two separate paths and it had been deteriorating for some time. She was a tad bit controlling anyways, even going as far as to say she didn't want me playing football after high school (wasn't good enough anyways, I was a 190 OT, but wanted to go to a school to try and walk on) and even said I was gonna be just like my dad, who had recently cheated on my mom, which is something that stuck in my head for a while because I would never do that, but people have always said my dad and I were just alike.
Before we broke it off I met this girl who lived in my building and we became really good friends (never saw her as anything more than a friend when I was still dating the other girl, I don't cheat and would feel awful about that). When I get back, we started hanging out more and I started to catch stronger feelings for her. We share a lot of common interests, have the same sense of humor and I was just always happy hanging out with her. This is gonna sound cheesy as hell, but I've never met somebody like her whose smile can absolutely turn my entire day around no matter what. She had a boyfriend that went to another school a few hours away so I didn't want to be a homewrecker, but I finally confessed my feelings for her when she asked about it because she was suspecting it.
Regardless, we kept being friends and hanging out. We used to go to the karaoke bar that was next to campus every Tuesday and she actually managed to get me to sing despite my stage fright (granted I was usually a couple of beers in), she would come see me at work between her classes (I took early classes and she took afternoon classes, I worked at a little store on campus) and we'd go eat at the dining hall all the time. Then her bf cheated on her. She told me and said she had some feelings for me too. Now here's the crazy part; the guy came down there to apologize to her the weekend I had to go home to watch my brother's soccer game, so it didn't work out at first. Then, he went and did the same thing, so she was done with him completely and we tried to start a relationship...the last week before they sent us home because of the pandemic, and we live a little over two hours apart. That week we dated was in all honesty the best week I'd ever had. We hung out every day like usual, but we got closer, we realized how happy we made each other. It was just incredible and going back home was the worst possible thing in my mind. At first we felt it wouldn't cause any kind of disruption and it started out ok, we would watch movies and Facetime every night, made a list of stuff we wanted to do when the pandemic ended, I even went to go see her back in May, but over time we realized that such a new relationship was weird starting this way and a little over a month ago she texted me saying she didn't feel she was in a good place for a relationship and that it wasn't fair to me for her to do that to me. We talked and we still want to be friends like we always have been and we know that if we do start trying to date again when we go back we would have to start back from scratch and we couldn't just pick up where we left off.
Now here's where I feel awful. About a week ago my friend asked me to go to one of my old wrestling teammate's 21st party, and of course I did drink a little. I don't think I was necessarily drunk, but that's besides the point. I hooked up with somebody I knew from high school and I felt awful about it. I knew I wasn't in a relationship, but I still had strong feelings for her and I want a relationship in the future. I don't do meaningless sex like that, and I honestly don't know how other people can, it's been killing me. I've always been honest with her, she knows my past and I want to tell her the truth because I can't stand lying to people, especially her. The feelings I have for her are some I've never experienced before and I want to be with her again. My friends/family have told me "people make mistakes" and "it was meaningless and you're single so it's ok" but I don't know what to do. I know I didn't "cheat" but I'm a relationship kind of person and this is driving me crazy because I know that isn't who I am. I even talked to the friend I hooked up with, she said she knows it wasn't me and apologized for "initiating it" but I feel like a horrible person for hooking up. I know that it wouldn't have even crossed my mind to agree to that if I was in a relationship at the time.
The girl from college and I still "talk" everyday (mainly Snapchat streaks but we still talk) and I would like to know if I should tell her now or wait and see if we start dating when we go back. I hate hiding stuff and lying, and I know I might not actually be doing either of those, but I know I'd tell her if she asked and I've always been very open and honest with her about everything. She's my best friend and I want nothing more than to be with her when we go back. I really appreciate it and thank you all.
**TL;DR;** : I still have strong feelings for a girl that I was with at college and we broke up when we got sent home bc of covid, but we're still friends and may reconnect when we get back. I hooked up with somebody and now I feel guilty. I would like to know if I should tell her, but it's a long story. Please actually read the details if it's not too much to ask.
Submitted June 24, 2020 at 04:54AM by Terrible_Horse https://ift.tt/2Yv2hsF