There has never been a good, live action Batman Movie. All the Batman movies are rubbish. Here’s why.
Batman: The Movie (1966)
This movie was designed as a piss-take of the already terrible TV series. It was deliberately overly camp and silly because at the time translating the much loved but knowingly terrible TV series into a film was seen as a lost cause. The solution was to make it deliberately terrible. Which It is.
Batman (1989)
Plagued by rewrites, a ballooning budget and bickering between leads and the director, Tim Burton’s Batman was widely slated by the critics at the time for being a slow, boring, mess. Which it is. Luckily it was also a corporate merchandising behemoth and made a shit tonne of money out of various tie-ins and promotions thus ensuring that every subsequent superhero movie would be similarly motivated by happy meal sales rather than coherent film making.
Batman Returns (1992)
Aware of how terrible his first movie was, Tim Burton tried to apologies with the sequel making it lighter, faster paced and more audience friendly. To some extent he succeeded, Batman returns is probably the best batman movie which isn’t saying much as it still concerns batman fighting an army of robotic penguins. Not as terrible as the first movie, but still bloody awful.
Batman Forever (1995)
Come on. I don’t have to tell you why this movie is rubbish.
Batman & Robin (1997)
Or this one
Batman Begins (2005)
After the abject failure of Burton and Schumacher’s Batman, Corporate hack Christopher Nolan decided to go in a brave new direction, telling the story of a man who dresses like a bat in a gritty realistic fashion. It almost works. And then Christian bale dressed as a bat turns up and destroys any semblance of “gritty realism” there might have been. Suffers from the same problems Batman 1989 did in that it’s boring and confusing but, unlike that monstrosity, this one tries to do it with a straight face and fails miserably.
The Dark Knight (2008)
An excellent performance by Heath Ledger somehow manages to emphasise the ridiculousness of a man dressed as a bat being taken completely seriously by the police. I can’t watch 5 minutes of this movie without laughing hysterically. The only people who can take this movie seriously collect knockoff Katana’s and have waifu pillows.
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Then Heath ledger died but Nolan was contractually obliged to finish his trilogy so he pushed out this turd directly onto his still warm grave. Bane was terrible, the story didn’t make any sense and the nuclear bomb climax is ripped straight from batman 1966 yet manages to make it seem even more ridiculous and implausible.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
Never watched this film but it’s terrible and batman is awful in it.
Justice League (2017)
This film is so bad we’re getting a remake because no one could actually believe the original film wasn’t a joke. The backlash against this film from fans was so great the studio actually apologised and promised to give them a new version, which we’re assured will be 3 hours longer… yay.
The Batman (2021)
No one has seen this film yet but given the awesome work the director and cast have done in the past, I’m sure it will be great.
And that’s why all the batman films suck. Next week "Star Wars: the entire saga was made for 11 year olds and if you have an opinion about it in your 40's you need to seriously reevaluate your priorities "
Submitted August 23, 2020 at 04:42AM by Pyehouse https://ift.tt/2YoKq6f