I want to type this post out quick while my emotions are running pretty high, since my mom tends to guilt me into empathizing with her after our fights are over.
I am 14, in Canada. I had a fight with my mom right now. We often have fights. My dad never does anything about and always plays the middleman. He thinks the blame is on both of us. I don't think so.
This has gone on for a while, for some context, and because of it I think I developed a huge anger streak. I am very hot headed. Sometimes when my mom is frustrated or berating me in some way, I show attitude and insult her. I don't know how to explain it, but I think it'll make sense when I tell about the fight and stuff
I am recording for my exam and while I do have a good video ready, it's not the best that I can do so we decided to do another recording. However, before that, my parents allowed me to visit my friend for a week (my family is usually pretty easy-going and loving, however it has problems and they are pretty obvious during our fights)
I was very jealous. Her parents are so so nice, and that may be because I was over as a guest, but my parents fight in front of guests too so I don't know if that matters. I got frustrated at them near the end of the week and we got into a small argument, but I felt very guilty and apologized to them after since it's not good manners. The family as a whole had a very good dynamic and I told my friend that. I felt really happy after the whole vacation and stuff.
So I came back after a week was over. We left ourselves one day before August 31st, the deadline, to record, which I realize now was kinda a bad idea since it didn't give me a chance to get into the "feel" again if that makes sense. I record the video, which is supposed to be 20+ minutes, but when I returned, it had strangely cut off at 6 min. The file size was HUGE, like 1 and something gb, which is very very strange. Even stranger, when I deleted the video (which should have freed up 1 gb in my storage) it didn't update for some reason and kept showing me that my storage was too full. This is NOT a problem with the amount of files themselves; I had cleaned out my phone prior and I had enough storage space available, the phone just fucking spazzed out or something.
I went down and told my dad about the problem and tried to explain the details, but he kept insisting that the problem was with the amount of files (it was not, I checked the Xiaomi help page and apparently it's a common error with the phone but idk) so at some point I grew frustrated with him and just sat down to fix the problem myself. This is actually not the best decision, I was being pretty bratty, since my dad does know more than me about these things, but I was tired and my dad kept saying that the problem was this when it wasn't and it probably wouldn't help.
My mom came over, I told her about the problem, then she started to talk to me in a very condescending and aggressive tone since I wasn't giving the phone over to my dad. I told her that I was trying to find the problem with it and that if I don't I'd give it over. She got mad and started berating me. Okay, more context: when my mom becomes like this, I tend to get very snappy as a way to cope. It's something I developed over the years because before that I'd just stay silent and it would aggravate her a lot, and I was angry and frustrated since I couldn't defend myself against her. So she put the blame on my dad for some fucking reason, and I told her that it's fine, he didn't do anything wrong, but that just made her MORE shitty towards me. After some point of staying silent and tearing up, I told her "Fine, Jesus, I'll give it to my dad, but stop being annoying" and then left to do that. Oops, should not have shown attitude like that. She started shouting loudly at me, the usual, but I thought stupidly that I was not going to take this shit again sitting down, so I told her to shut the fuck up.
She ran over, some wooden desk thing in her hands, making motion with her hands like she had the intent to hit me. I panicked. She started yelling at me and insulting me and getting up into my space, I tried to push her away. At some point I think I was in tears and I screamed at her. She flung open the front door in front of me and told me, so that the entire neighbourhood could hear, to GTFO. I was frozen, but I managed to tell her no. She tried to push me out forcefully but I didn't let her. My dad, at this point, rushed downstairs and pulled her away from me, yelling at her calm the fuck down and that she drank too much wine or something. To clarify, my dad is NOT fucking supportive of me even when this shit happens. He thinks it's both of our faults, when idk fam, she calls me a retard, hits me, pulled me up by the neck once, and the only thing I do is retaliate, and when she "apologizes" she guilts me into thinking that it's MY fault. He told me to go to my room. At first I did, but then I decided to go to the bathroom and lock myself instead because that'd be safer. That's when I decided to make this post.
Usually when this shit happens I forget about once she guilts me, and I think to myself something like "well she shouldn't do that, but it'll get better/she was the victim, I'm dramatizing it" but the visit to my friend's gave me a different perspective on this whole situation. Her parents NEVER did this shit. Sure, they fought, maybe even a lot, but they always calmed down before they could insult each other, laughed it off, and showed a good example to their kid. If we acted up, or if they wanted to say something of importance to us, they didn't berate us, it was only ever light scolding, not like how my mom or sometimes dad do it. My situation is not normal.
I made a short video of her screaming but I'm not sure if I should post it or if I should delete it ahead of time, since they might go through my phone.
Submitted August 31, 2020 at 04:45AM by terminala__hole https://ift.tt/31INprW