I used to hang out with a guy once a week and we would have sex. He had feelings for me but I never had anything romantic to him. We would message each other every day. He had helped me a lot. And this "relationship" lasted for almost half a year.
Recently I really wanted to fuck someone else, so I wished to end our "relationship" in a way that wouldn't hurt anyone. At the same time I tried to make myself like him.
In my eyes he's a short dude 20 years older than me, not very attractive but somehow can get sexy for example when he wears a hat or when he laughs, I would find him attractive for something seconds. But overall I preferred to have sex with someone else.
And having sex with me he had many rules. He asked me to tell him right away if I started seeing someone else or have sex with anyone else, or even just sexting with anyone or even just have an account where I post my videos in pornhub. If I have sex with someone else he would stop having sex with me right away.
If not talking about his stupid rules, he's actually a very nice guy. He has many friends, very responsible, very helpful. Hardworking. Very helpful. Busy. And outgoing.
So I was sort of tangled by the problem of wanting to stop our sexual relationship.
But days ago, very surprisingly he sent me a message telling me that he kissed a girl the night before. He said he just wanted to be honest - - as what he wanted me to be.
I don't know why, all of a sudden I felt fire burning in my face. I felt so fucking jealousy(this was just because I m a jealous person in general) . I felt cheated. And I started doubting myself :how can a forty year old short dude like him find someone to kiss so easily but me, a 20 year old young girl single at home? Am I ugly?? Am I ugly?? Am I that fucking ugly??? How can he get what I want so easily. What the fuck does he have that makes him get everything I want. I just feel so jealousy. I'm still feeling it. So much so that I can't even concentrate on my work. So much so that I started to cry so hard. Oh my God. Am I ugly? Why at work no guys even looks at me? ( I work as a waiter in a restaurant in Italy.) or they would look at me for less than one second and turn away right away not showing any interest. I start doubting myself so bad. But in the past when I had much worse makeup, when I dated many guys almost everyone of them wanted to have sex with me they showed great interest. Why at work no guys even look at me at all???
Am I so ugly? Everyday I try so hard to look better better to look good, but still no matter how I change my hair style my makeup style still no guys show any interest in me. It's true that at work I wear ugly uniforms and mask, but I actually find myself more attractive with the masking on.
Shit. I feel so jealousy that he can get what i want so easily. How can a dude that have a long lasting sexual relationship "cheat" on me??
I right away decided to not have sex with him anymore because of such huge jealous and rage in my chest.
I don't know what to do.
Am I ugly.
Submitted September 06, 2020 at 05:05AM by Fiammettaa https://ift.tt/2EUG3cF