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Submitted January 01, 2024 at 12:15AM by jerkenmcgerk https://ift.tt/CdBDr...
Color is merely a byproduct
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Submitted December 31, 2023 at 12:46AM by AntakeeMunOlla https://ift.tt/HWNZS...
Humility being an almost mandatory trait whenever someone compliments you is a reason why a lot of people can't accept compliments
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Submitted December 30, 2023 at 12:18AM by giantfuckingfrog https://ift.tt/vyoCc...
'Almost' can always be replaced by 'not'
If something almost went wrong, it did not go wrong
Submitted December 29, 2023 at 12:24AM by MateBat https://ift.tt/X7YkI...
You get judged way more for buying one beer than if you bought a crate
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Submitted December 28, 2023 at 12:16AM by sailor_stuck_at_sea https://ift.tt/Bzf1M...
The garbage man may be the only person who knows how much you actually drink.
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Submitted December 28, 2023 at 12:16AM by LucidCunning https://ift.tt/lhNz1...
There's no such thing as saving a life, there's only delaying a death.
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Submitted December 27, 2023 at 01:29AM by darkslide3 https://ift.tt/6zX3Q...
Caviar is really expensive, but not all black balls are caviar
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Submitted December 27, 2023 at 12:18AM by free-tailed_bat https://ift.tt/QqBU6...
Interested people are interesting. Bored people are boring.
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Submitted December 26, 2023 at 01:25AM by hearsdemons https://ift.tt/RoeYu...
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas is a Christmas song but it doesn’t really make sense to play it on Christmas Day.
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Submitted December 25, 2023 at 11:48PM by BigWillyStyle2011 https://ift.tt/iOI7X...
The more reclusive the spider, the more rewarding the flavor
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Submitted December 25, 2023 at 12:31AM by maestrozeldafan https://ift.tt/ESYZ0...
A lot of people piss in pools.
If people can't wear masks during COVID then that definitely means a lot of people piss in pools.
People are absolutely disgusting.
Submitted December 24, 2023 at 01:33AM by UnID_Aerial_Threat https://ift.tt/Jh3UW...
We imagine farts to be green because uranium is green
Uranium produces toxic waste depicted as green
Submitted December 23, 2023 at 01:23AM by yobarisushcatel https://ift.tt/W3uIe...
A winner needs to stay hungry for success, especially if they're a competitive eater
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Submitted December 23, 2023 at 12:26AM by pufballcat https://ift.tt/v9q4Y...
There's no reason you aren't a dolphin or an elephant or a cow, or another person. It's just pure chance that you are you.
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Submitted December 22, 2023 at 12:23AM by maestrozeldafan https://ift.tt/h94jc...
All the other planets in the galaxy are very hostile to human life, but we're trying hard to bring ours up to their level
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Submitted December 21, 2023 at 12:36AM by pufballcat https://ift.tt/Af3Ck...
Targeted advertising doesn't work if you don't care about advertisements at all
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Submitted December 20, 2023 at 12:18AM by Cozy_Zone https://ift.tt/wMco3...
twentyfourcharacterslong is 24 characters long
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Submitted December 19, 2023 at 01:19AM by ssucramylpmis https://ift.tt/cH9io...
So it's totally normal for a guy to be named Guy, but weird for a girl to be named Girl.
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Submitted December 18, 2023 at 11:54PM by A_Game_of_Death https://ift.tt/a5nDI...
There is only one true constant in life. And that is that there will always be more dishes to wash.
The only way to escape it is if you starve to death.
Submitted December 18, 2023 at 12:50AM by MKE-Henry https://ift.tt/CpK2u...
Clapping is a form of peer pressure
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Submitted December 18, 2023 at 01:03AM by False_Mud_1837 https://ift.tt/aVc8i...
Your reputation takes years to establish and seconds to ruin
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Submitted December 17, 2023 at 12:21AM by pufballcat https://ift.tt/If3vj...
Shaving your butthole is easiest on your knees in the shower.
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Submitted December 17, 2023 at 12:25AM by Affectionate-Date-28 https://ift.tt/7zWBy...
The high school class of 2018 is the only class to primarily contain both 1999 and 2000 borns.
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Submitted December 16, 2023 at 12:05AM by SquigwardTennisballs https://ift.tt/3UVWT...
Whether you wipe your butt standing up or sitting down depends more on your arm length than your personality. If people with short arms squat down too far, they won't reach their butt properly.
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Submitted December 16, 2023 at 12:12AM by wimpykidfan37 https://ift.tt/yZpY8...
Old people have a distinct smell that varies per region. That is until perfume/collong get involved.
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Submitted December 15, 2023 at 12:01AM by CameoShadowness https://ift.tt/hj935...
Apple FaceID sees the world as full of people with double chins
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Submitted December 14, 2023 at 12:23AM by bemurda https://ift.tt/ecfC7...
When R Kelly dies, you can’t really piss on his grave because he might like it
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Submitted December 13, 2023 at 12:49AM by LevelProfessional938 https://ift.tt/0Gd96...
The things we buy don't matter because we're addicted to consuming
Do you also compulsively shop when you get bored? I theorize that most people don't actually care about what they buy, they're just addicted to consuming and the serotonin we get from buying shit. Let's discuss.
Submitted December 13, 2023 at 12:17AM by MiseryLovesShotguns https://ift.tt/OjLpW...
Somewhere there’s a planet where you can see a constellation at night that looks exactly like the word ‘HELLO’
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Submitted December 12, 2023 at 01:32AM by Aquillyne https://ift.tt/b67Ls...
For a dog, an elevator ride is teletransportation
The other day the elevator door closed and opened instantly and my dog thought we had arrived in our destination on 6th floor
Submitted December 12, 2023 at 12:16AM by bellforges https://ift.tt/b2iYh...
A giant douche is objectively a better school mascot than a turd sandwich
A douche is not intrinsically dirty, until you use it. Like a tampon or TP, or toothbrush or any other toiletry.
Poop is always dirty. A turd sandwich has the connotation that it means meant to be eaten, making it even more disgusting.
A douche is more recognizable/legible as an object when making a logo or a mascot costume. A turd sandwich...
Being rejected by a sexbot is far worse than...
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Submitted December 10, 2023 at 11:58PM by IndecisiveAardvark https://ift.tt/yDaI0...
Your clothes have been to several countries
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Submitted December 11, 2023 at 12:07AM by giantfuckingfrog https://ift.tt/Hksyd...
except for six, all numbers contain the letter E or O.
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Submitted December 11, 2023 at 12:15AM by Morad2004 https://ift.tt/ySdlw...
Insurance is a scam that’s really just a fee for existing. They don’t help anybody.
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Submitted December 10, 2023 at 12:26AM by weenisbobeenis https://ift.tt/v2dyr...
A bricklayer makes a sandwich with a perfect butter to bread layer, neither too thick nor too thin.
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Submitted December 09, 2023 at 01:24AM by i33SoDA https://ift.tt/BiFN6...
Humans are mostly a sack of intelligent water
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Submitted December 09, 2023 at 12:29AM by pufballcat https://ift.tt/mCGJA...
There are animals who technically live their whole life covered in afterbirth.
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Submitted December 08, 2023 at 12:27AM by PieMastaSam https://ift.tt/FLiqI...
Few things in life makes you feel manlier than when your mom is strugling to open a bottle and asks your help and you do it as if it was nothing.
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Submitted December 07, 2023 at 01:19AM by FullyAutomatedPoo https://ift.tt/sX3xP...
News that someone was killed by a Charger was not out of place in the Medieval Ages
They referred to the smaller horses not used by the Knights
Submitted December 07, 2023 at 12:18AM by Lmysic https://ift.tt/goht0...
The world is a baby factory
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Submitted December 06, 2023 at 12:08AM by HopeCasting https://ift.tt/2QBYa...
Orthostatic Hypotension is the closest thing to undescribable
Like how a brand new thought can seem old and even nostalgic and old thoughts feel new and unexplored it's genuinely how I image cuthulu was imagined
Submitted December 05, 2023 at 01:22AM by TEAMRIBS https://ift.tt/vInTE...
It doesn’t matter what your opinion is; there’s always someone against it.
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Submitted December 04, 2023 at 11:32PM by plausiblydead https://ift.tt/HntMA...
Long after you‘re dead your personal data will live on in some database for possibly hundreds of years
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Submitted December 04, 2023 at 11:43PM by PM_ME_FREE_STUFF_PLS https://ift.tt/XrN6m...
Any piece of garbage that you have ever thrown out is still out there somewhere
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Submitted December 04, 2023 at 12:05AM by Icy-50 https://ift.tt/jzQ69...
Wine is a drink made from spoilt food, and cheese is food made from a spoilt drink.
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Submitted December 04, 2023 at 12:08AM by David_Umann https://ift.tt/RMg9L...
A Mall Santa must have to research the newest toys ever year
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Submitted December 04, 2023 at 12:22AM by XaveValor https://ift.tt/Ysk3Z...
We're basically playing a lifelong game of 'Hide and Seek' with our keys, wallets, and phones
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Submitted December 04, 2023 at 12:23AM by Occasional-Nihilist https://ift.tt/HzfyF...
As housing and life in general becomes less and less affordable, prison is going to become more and more desirable
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Submitted December 03, 2023 at 12:25AM by throawayboi https://ift.tt/Mg2HR...
It is more acceptable to shit in the ocean than throwing a plastic bottle in it
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Submitted December 02, 2023 at 12:26AM by DefinitelyAnAthiest https://ift.tt/qA0E9...