Right, so I just saw Solo and after I think 10 films I'm entirely confused as to why this franchise exists. Let me try to break everything down.
At about 7 or 8 I saw "episode one" in theaters, considered it the worst film I've ever seen in theaters and then ignored anything Star Wars related until fall 2015 when I found out about the 70's movies. I watched those and thought they were pretty good.
I fell asleep everytime trying to watch the 2000's ones but now even they have some points I'll come back to.
I saw the one that came out in 2015 and thought, ok, they are imitating the one that works as a blueprint with sequel escalation fine. It passes barely with a C.
Then the last jedi came out and I had a new worst film I've ever seen. This is why I'm starting to wonder if I'm stupid. I can't figure out why anyone is doing anything in that movie and the more I think about it the more confused I get. Why is Luke throwing the lightsaber and what happened to his character since...the first trilogy? He's not even the same guy and it's not an older or jaded or change thing he's just the actor playing a different character. Why did he have a map if he didn't want anyone to find him and was just going to throw beam katanas? Why can Leia fly?! Why won't purple hair lady just tell the Pilot man the plan?! What was the point in fucking around in casino land with freshman tier philosophy asian boy if they had the plan?!
Why did industrial goth fuckboy kill emperor forehead talk all that shit about doing things different with jedi dumpster baby then go on and do the same shit on "we assure you this isn't a rehash of the snow planet"?
Why don't any of the ghosts just come and tell Darth Robert Smith "hey yo grandaddy wasn't a gangsta! Here he is talk to him"
and he could be like "yo cut that shit out and apologize to your mom"
or just drop the lightning.
I felt like I was being trolled by the film itself saying "none of this shit matters". I started to wonder if it was a comedy. I mean there's subversion, but at least that has to make sense, this was just unpredictability for it's own sake. Anyone could do that. The new Jedi is the result of Luke and Leia getting busy and they dumped it out the airlock. That's why she's so strong, she's double skywalker. That's unpredictable but it's also fucking stupid.
Overall I feel like there's probably movies/stories before and even during this that need to explain why anyone is doing the things they are doing.
The worst part was the end.
Usually with any heroic series, when a protagonist steps up you usually have a sense of what they will say and how they will deal with a situation.
Especially their powers.
Now after 10 films I don't know if Luke could jump up and fight the walking tanks by himself, throw them, fold them like magneto, deflect the blasts...and it all turns out to be a new ass pull power.
I also say he's not in character because I mean...how'd he go from "I know you can change" with space hitler to borderline Dirty Harry with a kid he trained...who is also his nephew.
Like I said I don't have a long term attatchment to Star Wars but I hated everything I saw on screen, don't understand why it was shot, feel it was incompetently planned and am unreasonably mad at everyone that participated in it.
Then there's the side stories that exist to answer questions nobody asked. They seem like if we looked at the success of Spider-man and decided Uncle Ben needs a movie where he's a soldier in a war just so his commander can tell him "with great power comes great responsibility." And that commander is Captain America and he could talk to his squad mate Wolverine about how much he loves his gal back home May but she has a sister trying to name a baby and he could say "Peter" is one of his favorite names. Then they could save Howard Stark and he'd say "if you ever need anything give us starks a ring we're family now, the Parker's and the Starks" and the epilogue would be years later the winter soldier programmed to take him out because he knows too much after he drops off peter.
Or a Black Panther movie all about how Claw and Killmonger's Dad met and robbed Wakanda. But ya know take out anything that could be compelling in these films except the names.
I'm ranting now but I just need someone to tell me I'm not crazy and this should have stopped at the third one.
Submitted May 31, 2018 at 09:18AM by jmillerworks https://ift.tt/2kDA1zi