I’m sorry, this may be a long post and I apologize for any formatting, grammatical, or spelling errors. For starters, my name is Vanya, I’m 21 . My dad is 39. I also live with my grandma and every other week I see my siblings, 9 & 13 respectively. They’re my adoptive family- my mom isn’t in the picture anymore and she can stay out.
Okay. Here we go. My dad is depressed, anxious, he has two other personalities and some physical disabilities as well. He’s usually a pretty cool cat, aside from the depressive episodes and normal dad-like frustrations. Him and I are really more like buddies then daughter and father. But lately, it hasn’t felt that way.
He recently broke up with his girlfriend, Lynx. She was 20, one year younger than me. Their relationship wasn’t exactly the healthiest, and he turned to me to vent because my grandma despised their relationship (I did too, I never even liked Lynx). I was always close to my dad since I lived with them, but we were never particularly cuddly or anything, but lately he’s been really touchy feely with me and wanting to snuggle, and for some reason it’s been putting me on edge. The idea makes my skin crawl. But I’ve sucked it up and dealt with it because there shouldn’t be anything wrong with cuddling with your father. We’ve always been able to make a sexual wisecrack without making it awkward but lately they’ve been about... me.
Yesterday he had me sit on his knees. I’ve never done that before, not once. Why start now? I was also falling off the bed and he grabbed me by both my sweatpants... and my panties to pull me up.
Just today, we were joking around and making nachos in the kitchen and he made a weird comment about not wanting to see my switch side. What? I was making nachos for fuck’s sake! Later on, we were smoking in his room and he was looking at my shirt and pointed out it made my boobs glow. It made me really uncomfortable!
Soon, though he said that sometimes his multiple personalities cause him to not be able to control what he says and does. This is good enough for me, so I decide to try and cuddle because I want to do so without feeling weird, and because I don’t want to hurt his feelings and send him into an even worse depression. But soon it gets weird- I’m in a comfortable position with my head on his shoulder. But he makes me get closer (and by now I’m already trying not to cry because the sinking feeling has begun again, and I’ve told him before “I’m not a very cuddly person”). Okay, whatever. Fine. I put my arm across my chest because now I’m getting scared and he forces his legs between mine essentially tangling them together. He starts rubbing my elbow and then he kind of started doing that to my hips? Thankfully that didn’t last long. He makes a comment about how he’s thankful I’m not his real daughter and we can joke around without it being weird.
The “not my real daughter” comment threw me off. A lot. Why say that? Why?!
Soon it’s over. This doesn’t last more than 15 minutes but it feels like a lifetime. I bend over to give him a hug and tell him goodnight. He had his hand on my waist as I was leaning back up and it felt like he touched my boob! There have also been times he’s put his hand a little too high on my thigh or smacked my butt.
I don’t want to think any of his actions are insidious. This man is like a father to me, who has been through the same experiences. Some things I can understand, maybe the joking and the butt smacking but others make me a little nauseous. I understand people with mental illnesses can’t help it but I also can’t help but think he’s lying.
Please tell me I’m wrong. I can’t keep on getting hurt and I have no other way out.
Submitted April 01, 2019 at 09:53AM by xforcesugarbear https://ift.tt/2TNtMb0